Friday, May 29, 2009
I hate these feelings
My husband only worked 2 out of 4 days this week and he does not call in. I tried the "non nagging" approach but it did not work. He is still in bed. He stays up until the wee hours of the morning gaming. He plays World of Warcraft online. This is like Dungeons and Dragons of my day and there was just a show on TV about people addicted to it and actually preffering their "online world" over their "real world". I don't work. This REALLY stresses me out. He supports our family. I cannot handle anymore. NO MORE CHAOS. I want out of here so bad. I can think about me and my son but add the extra burdons of my husband - I cannot do it. I know they say that God will not put you through more than you can handle, but God is pushing the envelope this time. I cannot be responsible for my husband anymore. It is hard enough to work on my recovery and my son and myself without worrying about him. I seriously think we need some time apart. He needs to work on himself and I need to work on myself. I have nowhere to go.
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Probably the most difficult thing for me to learn was how to work on me without trying to "fix" everyone else at the same time. I had to learn the fine art of "releasing with love" and "letting go and letting God."
ReplyDeleteSeveral things my sponsor told me helped me learn these things and begin to keep the focus on myself.
"Noone can make me happy, noone can make me unhappy. The ultimate personal freedom is choosing my own attitude." This was closely followed by "I am a good and worthwhile person, worthy of recovery. I am worth the best sobriety has to offer but it is up to me to work for it."
I have many people in my family who "need" a recovery program, but very few who actually attend or work one. All I can do is work on myself and set the example I hope they will follow.
Releasing with love means I learn to practice what the Big Book talks about in "acceptance was the answer" and focus on the good qualities of my loved ones. By doing this, I learn the acceptance I need in order to maintain my own sobriety and give them and example of what recovery looks like.
I do need to say that I draw the line at safety, theirs, young children, and my own. Abuse is never acceptable, even when someone is suffering emotionally. In that case, I have had to call police, seek professional domestic violence counseling and gain the cooperation of my family member. This too can be overcome, if all persons involved agree to work with the program in order to stop the violence and create a safe environment in the home.
In any event, I have to work on myself and be willing to accept my family as they are, without expecting them to change. They may, but that will be a bonus. For me, changing myself is what is the main goal of sobriety.
In order to help myself with the points, I have suggested, try writing the sayings down on 3x5 cards and putting them on the bathroom mirror. There, they will be "in my face" as I brush my hair, brush my teeth, and put on my makeup.
Start with one saying and add another each week.
Love ya!
Mother Duck