Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I am feeling like shit today. I want to go strangle my husband for missing work 2 days in a row again. I am worried and anxious about his job. If he loses it, we are screwed. He doesnt seem to understand that he is the financial providor of this family and blames me for his own mishaps. "well, you had a doctors appointment" was the one today. I was going to take our son. I woke up with him covered on a blanket sitting head down at his computer desk. He says he is worn out. I told him if he needs time off work, do it the right way and go see a doctor and have them put you on a short term dissability. I understand he is depressed. He is now willing to see a doctor and go on meds, but I worry worry worry. Like today, I had a doctor's appoitment so he could help me come off an anxiety medication, and he used that as an excuse not to work. "I" am always the excuse. I am hoping his boss is compassionate and lets him have some time to work through his stuggles, but since I have worked in HR for so long at big corporations I know they say one thing and next thing you know, no job. So that is my major prayer today to please let my husband hold onto his job. It is our one consistancy. He got great reviews last year and now I don't know. I want to call his boss myself and tell him what is going on. In fact I might do that.
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I had to learn to let God take care of my husband and concentrate on my own behavior/feelings. While struggling with your own meds, you are less likely to have a clear head to make quality decisions. That being the case, try focusing on what you can do to provide for yourself rather than rely on him to do it for you.
ReplyDelete"When I started living in the answer instead of living in the problem, the problem went away" says the AA BigBook. Learning to live the messeges of AA instead of only knowing them is the begining of sober thinking. Gaining sober thinking is my goal today, not just physical abstinanace from acohol or other drugs.
Love you,
Mother Duck