STEP. 1 - Admittance

9 Months into Sobriety and I am finally working the steps. Steps 1-3 should go easily for me as I have already worked them on paper. I have decided to start this blog to help me organize my thoughts easily, as I tend to forget easily. I also pray that someone follows this blog and it helps them in some way.

I am alcoholic, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and a child of God. I find comfort in knowing that God knew me from the beginning and knew the choices I would make and God chose this route for me for some reason that I have not understood yet.

My duration of active substance abuse was a short time compared to others in my AA groups, but what I have learned is that it does not matter. My crazy life began WAY before I ever picked up a drink (on a daily basis). I will go into that later.

I can bring you forward to where I was drinking about 1/2 Gallon of Gin daily in order to cope. This started after my son was born, so at that time I thought it was the thought of being a failure as a Mother that made me drink. I have since learned better and the Alcoholism is a disease that layed dorment in my system until a prescription drug (GHB) that I was prescribed for sleep issues turned on that switch. But as I said, looking over my life growing up, I had a crazy life way before I picked up that bottle of Gin.

So almost a year ago, I sat staring at my bottle and watching my son and I started to cry. Even through the haze of the booze - God was able to reach me and touch my heart. I knew I had to get help. I was no use to anyone the way I was so I reached out to my father, a dry alcoholic, who helped me get into my second treatment program. I stayed two weeks at this wonderful place where I learned it was a disease. I was never told this during my first rehab three years earlier where I was detoxed from the GHB. I was given a "Big Book" - the book Alcoholics use as a foundation to recovery. I even forced myself to stay at a Woman's Halfway House for a few weeks so I could concentrate on the early steps to recovery (finding a sponsor, a home group, and begin to attend AA meetings).

In AA we talk about Spiritual Awakenings. I always have considered this my first "Spiritual Awakening". God wanted me back so bad and he touched me through the fog of alcohol and lead me to the right place and the right people at the right time. It is amazing how God works even when you have little to give back. God saved my life, and probably my son's.

So by going into rehab and trying to learn what this AA thing is - I admitted I was powerless over Alcohol and my life had become unmanagable. More on unmanagability later. I had started to set a foundation for recovery and finding a sponsor was #2 on my list after sobering up. A year prior I had tried AA and had a sponsor that was dissappointing so I prayed that God lead me to the right sponsor the first time. I needed someone I understood and could talk to. I needed someone with patience and tolerance of my crazy mind, as I tend to become complacent and work things slowly. So tomorrow I will post on my sponsor.