Finding My Sponsor

I consider how I found my sponsor as an act from God. As I said in my earlier post, I prayed daily on my knees while in rehab that God would lead me to the right sponsor right away. I did not want to go through a lot of temporary sponsors or find one that would not be a good fit. Boy did God answer that for me.

It was during my stay at the Halfway House that we went to a very large AA meeting. It was a speaker meeting which I usually do not go to a lot of those. I prefer the talking meetings as I get more from them, but I am glad I went to this meeting. Anyone who has stayed at a Halfway House knows you are required to attend so many meetings and this was one meeting I could have not gone to, but something told me I had to go.

The speaker that night was a woman about my age. She talked about her hectic life as an alcoholic and made light of some things to keep our attention. She was all smiles and always saying "I was having fun" when she referred to her drinking. But then she started talking about her children and how she came to a point when she didn't know if she loved her children. Those words hit me in the gut. That is the way I felt about my son. I know how horrible it sounds, but alcohol was a part of my life the whole time I had him around, so how did I know if I really did love him. All I knew is that I didn't remember lots of things about his young life and it hurt deeply..... maybe - that was love.. That deep hurt inside. I didn't know at the time. I did know that this woman was talking to me. I felt like the only person in that room of about 150 or so. The tears streamed and I kept hearing my fellow Halfway House people saying "I can't believe she said that about her children", and all I could think is "What bravery to have said the truth and that is how I feel". It was another one of those God moments where he told me that she was the one. I waited after the meeting to get her number.

I could spend another 10 posts telling you of the craziness of us getting together while I was still at the Halfway House, or how "Out of my mind" I felt during my first 3 months of sobriety, but I can say that she has stuck with me and sometimes I may not have deserved it. Like I said, I am complacent at times and slow with doing what I should do. That is part of the reason why I started this blog. It helps me. She can read it and point out things and others can and I am completely open to comments. Oh, and another God thing, she lives one street over from me and we met way up north.

An assignment she gave me for the first step is to list all my unmanagabilities. I have a hard copy that I will post for tomorrow. As for now, I say Good Night. By the Grace of God, I did not pick up a drink today or have the urge to.