Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I hate mornings
I don't know why I have such a hard time with mornings. I can get up ok because of my son, but it takes me an hour or so to get moving and some days I hardly move at all. So I thought I might do some blogging in the morning. I cannot find my daily reflection book. I hate that I lose things so much. Just like my house, my brain is so disorganized. My anxiety is showing its ugly head this morning. The doctor's are slowly pulling me off my anxiety medication so maybe that is it. I will have to buy another daily reflection book tonight at my meeting. My new sponsor and I are going out for coffee afterwards to get to know each other. Today I will start to work on the workbook on here after I clean the kitchen. ugh. The kitchen. Right now I cannot move. I wish I had an opportunity to really wake up and read my morning meditation before anyone gets up. Just another thing to add to my list of "should do's" ugh - morning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It occurs to me that many times it is the chaos inside my head that bothers me more often than the chaos outside my head. When I get to the point that I no longer allow my thoughts to wander or spiral out of control, I can begin to make sense of what is going on around me. (That has taken many moons of learned focused effort!)
ReplyDeleteUntil then, I simply do what is "the next right thing" in front of me, concentrating on taking correct action and allowing my thinking to catch up to me.
"Take every thought captive" means looking at each thought, evaluating it for accuracy, and behaving appropriatly even when I don't want to. I may be powerless over my addiction, but I can control how long I leave that sink full of dishes. I may hate mornings, but I can control what I set out to accomplish in the mornings.
I had a sponsor who says "no one can make me happy, no one can make me unhappy. the ultimate personal freedon is (the ability to choose) my own attitude" I hated her for making me say that over and over, but now I know I can do or be however I want to. It is true freedom to leave the tyranny of the "shoulds" behind and choose to do what is right because it is right and I want to do it. I do my chores because I want a neat clean house. I am a sober adult and no one is "making me do them". I deserve a nice living space but it is up to me to create it.
I am a "night owl" who is not fond of mornings either and have found that I can use that groggy unfocused time of day to accomplish many "house cleaning tasks" and save my more productive and focused time of day for study, creative thinking, or other enjoyable activities. For me it is a reward to be awake and active in the afternoon with all my "work" done in the am. But again, it is my attitude that makes all the difference. (yes Sister Sober....I do have to talk myself through these things....and I do say it out loud!)I tell myself I am worth the best sobriety has to offer and that starts by organizing my space and not allowing the chaos inside to control my outside (and not allowing the chaos outside to control the inside either!)
Love ya!
Mother Duck